I feel like venting

[Jeffy25]

Forgive me Jeffy, gonna borrow your thread here.

I am really upset, I lost my best friend 4 weeks ago. He didnt die, but our friendship did. It is known to those who can read here that I do enjoy my drink. Well my best friend loves to drink more than I, everyday actually and he is going through the foreclosure process on his house.

Ive noticed the change in him, he became a much more angrier person when I drank with him. It came to a head 4 weeks ago when for the first time he laid his hands on me and slapped me in the face. Unprovoked I might add. So because I never would think to do that to my friends we quit speaking.

Word spread, like it always does and his wife made it known to me that not only will he not apologize for what he did, which I would forgive him for, she also said they dont "kiss ass" for anybody. WTF. And if we were to make amends, I would have to call or come over. WHY? I did nothing wrong. So **** it.

Now last nite I invited my neighbor over, he asked repeatedly he would like to come over and have a beer with me and my friends. Nice guy he is so I finally invited him. Then my other friend proceeds to be a dick to him, then to me for not backing him up. My friend insulted him all nite, and when my neighbor went home, my friend repeatedly said he would kick his ass.

I admire my neighbor because he stayed calm and cooled the whole time, Im going to apologize to my neighbor when I see him again, because I feel terrible I invite him into my home just to get insulted. So now I think I have no choice but to cross another friend off my list. He was drunk if you havent made that assertion and he just becomes an ass. I have no time for this.

My circle of close friends have really dwindled. Im saddened by it, but if you cant handle your drink and carry yourself, then I want no part of you. A month ago, I had 3 really close friends, all best friends. Now its down to 1. Im not really worried about the last one, as we seem to be most alike. We have gone through to much and we share the same opinions on behavior like that and most life situations. So Ill be cool. But this has been eating me for a while and I just needed to vent.

Personally, been threw something very similar many many times.

my very best friend is not only violent when he drinks, but doesn't know how to control himself. He constantly embarrasses himself. We have had multiple physical altercations, and many many more verbal one's. He basically will go out of line, and even held a grudge for over a year over something retardedly petty.

I am not the type to "cave in" whenever someone abuses my friendship, but i also do not hold grudges. For me, life is too short to be upset with a long time friend over petty ********.

my advice, don't let something minor ruin a lifetime friendship, it's very easy to do so. But if you can move on from the action itself, and put your pride away, yet hold your ground of respect, then find a way to make amends. Thousands of times with my one paticular friend i have just let **** go, even though i probably shouldn't have. I just realize that we are life long friends, i intorduced him to his wife, we have known each other since 4th grade. We are close. But sometimes, it's better just to be the bigger man. He and i have created several more awesome memories because i have been able to suck it up.

But if he is going to act like a 6th grader (like his wife telling you that ****), I would make it very clear how you feel.

With kyle, i have called him to meet me at a bar, where we can drink and talk **** out. I will tell him that what he did was unacceptable, but that i understand the value of our friendship and that i am not going to allow it to ruin it. But i also make it very clear that what he did is not allowed. And I always let several weeks go by before doing this. It allows him to realize the value of the friendship as well


Just telling you what i have done with a similar type of friend. Kyle has serious pride issues. He also has a very hard time accepting that i am so much more successful than he is at our age. We are very competitive with each other, and it causes issues. But sometimes, it's better to just be the bigger man, even when they behave like children.

I dunno, to me, life is too short, and life-long friends are rare. Let him know he is being a jackass, and if he doesn't care to go back to your friendship, then **** him. If he can suck it up too, then you can both move on immediately.

Life isn't worth going through with enemies.

[Jeffy25]

Mogulling is way better than cuffs, goo decision!!!

My only problem when I drink is my mouth....not that I'm a dick, just that it never shuts up.

in the year's that i have drank, the only difference in my personality is that it becomes even more outgoing then it already is. Which is hard to believe. But one reason i feel comfortable drinking in public, is basically that everyone i am friends with says that i don't ever change. If i embarrassed myself when i went out, i highly doubt i would ever get drunk.

[ragecage]

Great advice Jeffy, one little problem though. Its hard to explain in an already long post like I posted, but I have been doing as you say. I respect a long friendship but the line has been crossed too many times and I have given too many chances. Well with the 2nd friend anyway.

As far as the friend that hit me, you are correct. Though my belief in friendship is that under no circumstance do you lay a hand on your bud in a disrespectful way. Maybe with what he is going through I can let it slide.

Its hard though, because I see the wifes true colors on how she feels about me and Joeys friendship, Ive always been there for her kids and her, and to basically add fuel to the fire instead of extinguishing it, its going to be difficult to be at the same level again. I thought they were always in my corner, and now I question it.

I want to make the call, but I think I need more time to cool off.

[Jeffy25]

Great advice Jeffy, one little problem though. Its hard to explain in an already long post like I posted, but I have been doing as you say. I respect a long friendship but the line has been crossed too many times and I have given too many chances. Well with the 2nd friend anyway.

As far as the friend that hit me, you are correct. Though my belief in friendship is that under no circumstance do you lay a hand on your bud in a disrespectful way. Maybe with what he is going through I can let it slide.

Its hard though, because I see the wifes true colors on how she feels about me and Joeys friendship, Ive always been there for her kids and her, and to basically add fuel to the fire instead of extinguishing it, its going to be difficult to be at the same level again. I thought they were always in my corner, and now I question it.

I want to make the call, but I think I need more time to cool off.

it's kind of funny, the friend i mentioned. I could tell you stories and stories about his wife. I introduced them, but she gets soo overly opinionated, and of course, always takes her husbands side. But does so in a pretty unfair way.

I just ignore it.

and i agree on the physical part of things. But i have actually kicked his ass a couple of times because he was soo drunk and i was still pretty sober. Which sort of handles it. He is the only fights i have ever gotten into. But when you basically make a complete ass of yourself, and then get your ass beat. You basically have nothing else left to say for yourself.

at this point now, whenever he does this stuff, he basically just apoligizes the next day and we just move on. We have gotten to that point.

It's tough. I have lost several, what I "thought" were life-time friends. You are lucky to get five in your life....and hopefully one is your spouse.

[Jeffy25]

and take time, it's your friend in a matter like this.

[ragecage]

it's kind of funny, the friend i mentioned. I could tell you stories and stories about his wife. I introduced them, but she gets soo overly opinionated, and of course, always takes her husbands side. But does so in a pretty unfair way.

I just ignore it.

and i agree on the physical part of things. But i have actually kicked his ass a couple of times because he was soo drunk and i was still pretty sober. Which sort of handles it. He is the only fights i have ever gotten into. But when you basically make a complete ass of yourself, and then get your ass beat. You basically have nothing else left to say for yourself.

at this point now, whenever he does this stuff, he basically just apoligizes the next day and we just move on. We have gotten to that point.

It's tough. I have lost several, what I "thought" were life-time friends. You are lucky to get five in your life....and hopefully one is your spouse.

It is tough, the only thing that made me consider to keep the friendship is the time involved. But now everything bad seems to outweigh the time and its just easier to let go it seems.

Just like you have stories, I got plenty too. Now I just think of him as king of the awkward moment. Im really weary of those nowadays.

[actionjackson]

Booze can drive a huge wedge between even the best of friends. There's you with your booze fog and your friend with his booze fog. Sometimes it's not the two of you that are fighting, but the personae that you take on when you drink. Either way, once you've had your cool down period, decide whether you want to continue the friendship. If you do, get together to hash it out without alcohol. I know you love to drink ragey, but if you really want to patch this up, this is critical. If you don't want to patch it up, walk away and don't look back. Should you choose this road, whatever you do, don't get drawn back into his drama. You don't need it, you've got enough to deal with.

...Or, you could always take Jim Lahey's (Sunnyvale Trailer Park Supervisor and on again off again policeman on the local force in the show "The Trailer Park Boys") advice and "Let the liquor do the thinking." I don't recommend it highly, but it's up to you. Whatever happens, good luck.

[ragecage]

Booze can drive a huge wedge between even the best of friends. There's you with your booze fog and your friend with his booze fog. Sometimes it's not the two of you that are fighting, but the personae that you take on when you drink. Either way, once you've had your cool down period, decide whether you want to continue the friendship. If you do, get together to hash it out without alcohol. I know you love to drink ragey, but if you really want to patch this up, this is critical. If you don't want to patch it up, walk away and don't look back. Should you choose this road, whatever you do, don't get drawn back into his drama. You don't need it, you've got enough to deal with.

...Or, you could always take Jim Lahey's (Sunnyvale Trailer Park Supervisor and on again off again policeman on the local force in the show "The Trailer Park Boys") advice and "Let the liquor do the thinking." I don't recommend it highly, but it's up to you. Whatever happens, good luck.

The sad thing is, the more I think about it, the more I really dont want to continue the friendship. It actually is making me consider quitting drinking as well. Seems as though nothing good has come from it in a while.

[ewing6]

The sad thing is, the more I think about it, the more I really dont want to continue the friendship. It actually is making me consider quitting drinking as well. Seems as though nothing good has come from it in a while.

How did the quit smoking thing go? Haven't heard in a while. Or was that someone else.

[ragecage]

How did the quit smoking thing go? Haven't heard in a while. Or was that someone else.

No it was me. To be honest I started again when things got stressful.

[actionjackson]

The sad thing is, the more I think about it, the more I really dont want to continue the friendship. It actually is making me consider quitting drinking as well. Seems as though nothing good has come from it in a while.

I hear you bud. You're at a tough stage of life. Your pals are going off and getting married, starting families etc and they don't have as much free time as they used to. Biologically, your body just doesn't rebound as easily from an insane night out. All those habits that you picked up and used as "coping mechanisms" to deal with stress in your teens and early to mid-20's somehow aren't working anymore. It's really difficult. I don't really have any advice for you. I just hope you can find a way to muddle through. I stopped cold with drinking, social smoking etc about 6 and a half years ago, but I think my circumstances are much different from yours.

At the time, I'd been on many different meds for bi-polar for about 7 and a half years. I started noticing that when I'd have a few drinks, the depressive effect of the alcohol would set in right away, like first drink type right away. It was either the meds or the booze that had to go. The choice was pretty easy and had kind of been made for me 6 years earlier, when I worked my way down and eventually off all meds...Bad idea...like hospital for 6 weeks bad. So my decision was made for me, unlike you. I still had to quit though, but I fully understood the consequences of not doing so. I miss the camaraderie that happens when you get together with friends to have a few drinks, but I sure don't miss the consequences.

I often wonder what would've happened had I not made that decision. I think I would probably have had more fun, but at serious risk to my brain/health/living circumstances. Life ain't exactly a bowl of cherries right now, far from it, but I'm pretty sure it would've been way worse had I not made that decision. The health of my father has re-inforced that this was the right choice for me. He'd been a 3 to 4 drinks a day, everyday kind of drinker and was depressed/self-medicating for about 60 years. Now he has alcohol-related dementia and he is declining fast. At first the geriatrician diagnosed him with that, then he said it was depression and sent him to a psychiatrist/psychologist for a consult. She agreed with the dementia diagnosis and sent him back to the geriatrician. F**king doctors playing ping-pong while the patient suffers. I'm not even a doctor and I know it's possible that it's both. Why does it have to be one or the other?

...We now return you to the Jeffy, Alyssa, Kaden, CMG, stupid potential employees at CMG etc show. Thanks for the vent thread Jeffy and keep the Kaden-pic avatars coming. That is one cute little fella. Good on ya.

[ragecage]

I understand AJ. I would think its a little bit easier that your choice was made for you. Its nice to know things are better for you, grant it not the best, but better if you had sided with the other way.

I sort of been having little epiphanies since all these little problems have been going on. I really failed until now to look at things on the other side. Basically I had my troubles with the bottle earlier in my life. I used it as a coping mechanism big time. A problem was thrown my way, I dealt with it by getting as hammered as I possibly could.

It took me losing a roof over my head and nobody taking me in to wake up from that. Yep, it was interesting living in my vehicle for a while. Something inside of me clicked though and I worked hard to get somewhere, anywhere. I learned a lot by then and I always vowed to never cope with alcohol, but cope with intelligence and thought.

So yes I have my problems, and I sway from time to time, but I never fall off anymore. I drink for leisure. Now with that said, what I realize is my company that I keep might not feel the way I do about drinking. They still might be in a place where thats how they still cope with things still and then when they are at their point, they let their bottled up emotions consume them and I catch most of the shrapnel thrown at me.

So with all the great advice you guys have said, I think the best way is just to let them be. They are going to have to figure out just like I did, what they want to do and how to go about it to improve their situations and rid of the demons that consume them.

[Jeffy25]

i'm old

[free2131]

i'm old

[kellys11]

I wish I can say it was, because I have no problems owning up to things and apologizing for them. Believe me I have made my fair share of stupid mistakes. Thankfully in these situations there were always other people around, and in both cases they actually side with me.

I wish I can blame it on something other than the booze. When these people are sober, they are fantastic friends.



Thanks. I can say I used to be the kind to poke fun at the fact you cannot drink. Now with things I have experienced over the years with different friends and myself, if you are in a better place without drinking, then more power to ya and it is commendable to have the power to say no in all the peer pressure.

Ive had to quit a time or two because life was spinning out of control for me, it was getting pretty bad a couple months ago as a matter of fact. Now I just keep it to a once a week thing with friends and I do ok now.

I have a rule - I don't let things said/done while a person is drunk bother me cause I know I've done things that I normally wouldn't do or want to do. I also let that person get the **** kicked out of him (for a while) if he picks something with somebody else. Basically I don't let him ruin my fun that night then I let him know he was a dink the next day....I do however hold a grudge when a person is an ass while sober.