WARNING: Baseball in Texas

[Red Sox Fan 734]

Breaking News Out of Arlington

"This just in!!! Fox news is reporting that Texas Rangers owner Tom Hicks has sold the ballclub. We now take you live the press conference.


Reporter: " Mr Hicks, why have you decided to sell the team so close to the start of the season?"

Hicks: "Well, it's not that close to the start of the season, it's only February. I sold them now so the new owner would have enough time to settle in before Opening Day"

Reporter: " Why have you decided to sell the team in the first place?"

Hicks: "Owning 3 professional sports teams has been to much for me lately. I was going to sell one of the teams and in the end i decided it would be best for me and my family to sell the Rangers.

Reporter: " Well then, I guess the only remaining question is, who did you sell the team to?

Hicks: Glad you asked. I sold the team to my long-time friend Nelson Lipszyc. That's all the questions I'll be taking, the rest will be fielder by new owner Nelson Lipszyc.

[Red Sox Fan 734]

New Texas Rangers owner Nelson Lipszyc walked into the room and was immediately bombarded with questions.

Reporter: " *laughs* How are you expected to run a baseball team? Your what 12 years old?

Lipszyc: "Hey, I'm 14! I know thats young to be the owner of a team but i know anything and everything about the game."

Reporter: " This has got to be a joke...."

Lipszyc: "Technically that's not a question....

Reporter: " Are you going to have any help running the franchise?"

Lipszyc: "Of course, my friends will help me make decisions"

Reporter: "Your friends???? You've got to be kidding me."

Lipszyc: " Nope, I'm dead serious, my friends know what there talking about and one of them is even a certified genius."

Reporter: Ok, one last question. Will you be keeping the rest of the front office in-tact?

Lipszyc: As a matter of fact no. I will be hiring a new GM, manager and head of our scouting department.

[Red Sox Fan 734]

Rangers Hire New GM; 14 YO Kid

ARLINGTON - Today the new Texas Rangers owner announced his 1st major move. After firing Jon Daniels he almost immediately hired 14 year John Mason. He has been a life-long Rangers fan and knows everything about that game just like owner, Nelson Lipszyc. His one and only goal is to win a WS with Texas.

[Red Sox Fan 734]

Rangers Hire Another Teenager...WTF is going on?

ARLINGTON - The Texas Rangers might have become the laughing stock of baseball today, no the laughing stock of all pro sports. They hired yet another teenager, this time the manager. The signed a 15, almost 16 YO from Massachusetts, West Duck. Duck has been a sports fan all his life but freak injuries have kept him from playing so he finally decided to hang up his cleats and go into managing.

[ewing6]

Another Ranger teen as John Marson Hires a Scout.

Having a teenage owner, gm and manager the Texas Rangers needed 1 more teen. The last teen they hired was scout Sam Bills. He is 15 and from Iowa. He is a lifelong Angels fan but now will get a chance to help crush them. Marson said, "He has a very good knowledge of players around the league and a good eye for talent. He can and will help us win a WS."

[eggson27]

New scout interviewed about his new job

Public shocked at hiring of 15 year old Angels fan

New scout Sam Bills was given an interview by ESPN about his new job:

Peter Gammons: Mr. Bills, tell us why you were hired by Nelson Lipszyc and the Rangers.

SB: Well, sir, I met the dude on a forum a few years ago and then we became facebook friends and the rest is history

PG: Uh..I see. And do you know the others? Mr. Mason and Mr. Duck?

SB: Of course Pete. Same way. Except the Eddie dude doesn't have facebook. What a n00b.

PG: Ooook. Well. Glad to know you are friends with the people you are working with. Now tell me why you were hired.

SB: Well sir I have an incredible knowledge of the game of baseball and I can analyze stats and ratings of all baseball players. Just like HoustonGM.

PG: Sorry, who?

SB: Never mind.

PG: One more thing before we're done. I've been told you're a diehard Angels fan. Will that affect your role as the Rangers scout? They are rivals.

SB: Of course not. I will do everything I can to get my team to the world Series. More $$$ for me.

PG: Ok sir. Have a nice day. Please leave now.

SB: Thanks dude.

[FloydtheBarber]

ESPN also took the time to interview new Rangers manager West "Dubya" Duck.


Joe Morgan: Hello mister Duck, how has your day been?
WD: It has been interesting. I was in talks with my friend Theo Epstein about joining the Red Sox as a replacement for Francona when my Facebook buddy Nelson sent me an invite to the "Ranger's Management" group. I accepted that, and well, here I am.

JM: So, how do you plan to win ball games?
WD: By outscoring the opponent, Joe.

JM: You took my words out of my mouth!! So, how will you score runs? I imagine by small ball, bunting, and benching undetermined players like Beltran.
WD: Uh, no idiot. I focus on OBP and scoring as many runs as possible while limiting the opponent. Shut up

JM: What the hell are you talking about?
WD: Nevermind

JM: Anyone you'd like the management to acquire?
WD: Pujols, haha. No, I actually really am interested in Scott hatteburg and D'Angelo Jiminez. They can walk, and they is what we need.

JM: And move?
WD: Chris Davis and Marlon Byrd for sure. They have zero patience

JM: Nice having you!
WD: *mumbles* Viva Fjm.com

[BINGLEBOP]

New Texas Rangers owner Nelson Lipszyc walked into the room and was immediately bombarded with questions.

Reporter: " *laughs* How are you expected to run a baseball team? Your what 12 years old?

Lipszyc: "Hey, I'm 14! I know thats young to be the owner of a team but i know anything and everything about the game."

Reporter: " This has got to be a joke...."

Lipszyc: "Technically that's not a question....

Reporter: " Are you going to have any help running the franchise?"

Lipszyc: "Of course, my friends will help me make decisions"

Reporter: "Your friends???? You've got to be kidding me."

Lipszyc: " Nope, I'm dead serious, my friends know what there talking about and one of them is even a certified genius."

Reporter: Ok, one last question. Will you be keeping the rest of the front office in-tact?

Lipszyc: As a matter of fact no. I will be hiring a new GM, manager and head of our scouting department.

LOL, love it. Ever since Metsguy and RSR abandoned their Mets dynasty, the forum has been lacking in comedy.

Well, theirs wasn't really "comedy", but I digress.

This has the potential to be a powerhouse dynasty, especially since you have Eddie involved. I'll tell 10 friends to tell 10 friends to tell 10 friends about this dynasty.

[gosensgo101]

I'm having second thoughts about declining the opportunity to be a part of this now that Bingle is giving such high praise.

[BINGLEBOP]

Well, you probably didn't know Eddie was involved either. That would be a deal-breaker with me too.

[ewing6]

Well, you probably didn't know Eddie was involved either. That would be a deal-breaker with me too.

I was the one who asked him

Thanks for the comments. However unlike those other one this will have commedy and baseball

[rockiesfan4ever]

Texas Rangers Trade Write-Up

Arlington-- In a shocking move today the newly constructed Texas Ranger's front office announced that they had traded 23 year old 1B Chris Davis (81/93), 31 year old CF Marlon Byrd (85), and 25 year old SP Brandon McCarthy (73/81) to Atlanta for 26 year old 1B Casey Kotchman (81), 23 year old SP Jair Jurrjens (86/95), and 25 year old CF Gregor Blanco (77/79). This definitely will improve the Rangers pitching staff for years to come which has been a major downfall, but it leaves an interesting situation in the OF. It will be interesting to see if Kotchman can fill in at first (I think he can), but it will be interesting to see what happens in the OF. I think that if they put Blanco into Byrd's spot then the offense will suffer. Either way it looks like the offense was downgraded because you fill in with Blanco in the OF, who isn't as good as Byrd, and that isn't enough to offset the gain by changing Davis for Kotchman.

Overall I give this trade an 8 out of 10. A solid deal for the pitching staff (something that needed to be improved) but the offense suffers.

[eggson27]

There will be a detailed explanation for this trade from your local scout released sometime tomorrow.

[Red Sox Fan 734]

A Letter to the GM:

Hello John, just wanted to let you know i will be very strict about our budget this year. As of now you only have about 25 million dollars to play with. Go over budget and i will give you only a week to get back under. Also, it will be very important for us to turn a profit this year, so do whatever it takes to ensure that happens.

From Nelson, Go Rangers!

[yanks26]

this is priceless