A new pro team "Posters Trolls" -sign-ups

[Rongar]

"See, all you media people do is just start trouble for T.O. I have a great relationship with my offensive coordinator. That's my coach *sniff* That's my teammate! *sniff*"

[Rongar]

Late Show Top Ten (with acknowledgements to David Letterman)

Top Ten Signs Your NFL Team Owner Is Nuts

10. Married to a tackling dummy*
9. Team plays in Posters, builds new stadium in Cyberland
8. Only reason he hired Rongar was because he had his own clipboard
7. Encourages vendors to sell beer to players during game
6. Asked coach of Victoria Pensioners for tips on building a winner
5. He just tested positive for peptalking
4. Pregame pep talk — asks team to lose by more than seven-and-a-half
3. Thinks "Things More Fun Than Reading The Sarah Palin Memoir" isn't funny
2. His motto: "If we want to win as a team, we pub-crawl as a team"
1. Gives players the weekend off

* Number 10 is simply not true...I have it, on good authority, that Herr Phoenix is engaged to an inflatable doll...

[Rongar]

Posters "THE THREAD" Newspaper

September 6th, 2007.

Football Gossip
***********

By Al Terego.


Rongar's press conference
********************

Q: So what did you like best about the win,Coach?

Ron: That we came back so strong in the last quarter – after bein’ outplayed for most of the match,

Q: …And least ?

Ron: That we were so outplayed…do you know that our defence was out there for 44 minutes? – almost three-quarters of the game!

Q: Ah, but wasn’t that because your offence was so potent – your running game, anyway?

Ron: That’s true…our scorin’ drives didn’t take long…(ruefully)…neither did our non-scorin’ ones…feast or famine.

Q: If that’s going to be the future pattern of your team, Coach - their scoring so quickly, via long runs and bombs, leaving the rest of the game to your opponents’ offence - isn’t that going to be awfully draining on your D, over the course of the season?

Ron: You got that right…you can see now, whey I’m so anxious to take over the play-callin’ – I can put in fresh legs from time to time, ‘stead o’ leavin’ the burden of the game to a few stars.

Q: Ah, but haven’t you a commitment to play certain players, anyway, Coach – those that you’ve recruited so far? The McGinnitys, the Nokes’, T.O., and the mean man, etc?

Ron: Oh yes…and I make sure that when I pick the team, pre –game, every asterisked player is in the starting line-up, save for the alternate QB….but I don’t mean for them to be run into the ground!

Q: Is that a criticism of your present coaching staff?

Ron: ‘Course not! …they won, didn’t they? …they musta been doin’ something right…no, their job is to win the game at hand, my job is to win the Season…I say we can’t do that if our troops are all worn out…so I want to take over, toot-sweet!

Q: And when will that be, Coach?

Ron: When I’ve learned that !**&?!!X#! playbook…

Q: It’s taking you a long time, isn’t it?...you’ve been at it for a week.

Ron: What can I tell you? I’m a broken-down old baseball GM…these football plays called “Fifty-fifty goal-line stand”, and “20-20 hindsight”, whatever, are like a foreign language to me…no wonder it takes college graduates to play at this level!

Q: When do you expect to take over the team, Coach?

Ron: I’m shootin’ for this time next week…when our second pre-season game is due… I hope to play the entire game in pbp mode.

Q: Joe Greene's out for 3 weeks, Coach...who will replace him?

Ron: Sure, Peter Bilt filled in well, at Tackle when Joe got hurt, but Pete's a Defensive End, and a darn good pass rusher...we'll need him at that spot next week against the Colts, see if we can't put Peyton Manning off his game....I'm leanin' towards Connor Nokes at DT.

Q: With reference to those asterisked players, Coach – is your recruiting drive over?

Ron: Uh-uh! ..no way! …there’s no deadline for nominated players…we need new blood, all season, every season…keep those creations coming, Guys, out there…you know who you are! …now, if there are no more questions, Guys, I’m off to reward the troops with treats for performin’ so well…

Q; You mean like they do at dog-and-pony shows, Coach?...what sort of treats do you give your players, anyway?

Ron: (Turning at the exit door) Why, raw meat, of course – what else?
-30-

[Rongar]

por que?

Mmm...perhaps you're right, Yami...my personal assumption is that, generally, 20 is too young to be competitive at this level of football, but I'm missing the point, of course...the object of this project is to play Members's nominees, regardless...the only players able to bump a CP out of the line-up, are other Created Players, and that, by means of auto-sort, not my personal choice...I'll change his age back to 20, and he;ll play, in the starting line-up unless or until another CP at that position is auto-sorted over him - okay?

[CatKnight]

Perhaps Rongar, but your general assumption is also true: 20 is very young to be playing competitive football.

[Rongar]

Perhaps Rongar, but your general assumption is also true: 20 is very young to be playing competitive football.

Thanks for your re-assurance, Cat...I'm relieved to know that I'm not entirely clueless about this game...still, always fun, finding out!

[Rongar]

Posters "THE THREAD" Newspaper

September 7th, 2007.

Football Gossip

By Al Terego.
xxxxxxxxxxxx


MEET THE TROLLS
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

CB Neion Deion.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Renowned for his speed, and ability to intercept with his great hands…doesn’t appear to be too interested in actually tackling anyone, but then, opposing QBs don’t appear to be too interested on passing to anyone in his vicinity, lest he make one of his spectacular grabs, and races back- all- the- way!

Probably the worst tackler you could ever put on a football field, but speed and hands to the max. A great guy to have in your backfield!

CLUBHOUSE AUDIBLES
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I hear that the Club’s owner, Asche Phoenix is peeved at the running of two of our RBs, Galen Ferdon, and Scuttler Crabbe- seems they’ve been running around with his inflatable fiancée!

Herr Asche has declared that it is offensive to make moves on his betrothed, and has ordered the two runaways to be long-gone. (Our German owner is, I understand, studying "Football Parlance 101")

Coach Rongar is chortling…he has his eye on a big juicy Denver Bronco DT, in trade for the pair…
-30-

[Rongar]

WANTED

A highly-mobile quarterback (age 25 preferred) is needed by the Trolls for special plays...Members who have yet to contribute are invited to submit nominations.

Thank you.

[Rongar]

Posters "THE THREAD" Newspaper

September
9th, 2007.

Football Gossip

By Al Terego.
xxxxxxxxxxxx


Meet The Trolls
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


WR Joey Dietz
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

This young man has been most impressive in the scrimmages, so far…not only has he run some mazy routes, he adds precious yards once he has caught the ball.

He didn’t arrive in the Posters’ training camp via the usual college route, he had to drop out of school in order to work to pay off loans that the struggling Dietz family farm had accumulated.

That farm is solvent, now, thanks to Joey’s sacrifice, plus his good fortune – and that of the Trolls – to try out for the Club

They liked what they saw, and advanced him cash enough to ease his concerns over the finances of the farm, so that Joey can concentrate on his football.

When a curious reporter asked Dietz how he was able to achieve such separation running his routes, the young man grinned, saying.

“Man, when I’m runnin’ my route, I’m cussin’ such a blue streak, that even the most hairy-assed Ds are embarrassed to get within hearin’ distance of me!”

Clubhouse Audibles
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I hear that:-

G.M. Rongar in his quest for a “mobile” quarterback, has made overtures to Casey Printers, late of the Canadian Football League (CFL) team, the British Columbia Lions.

Printers was a phenom in his first year with that club, throwing passes, and rushing yards like there was no tomorrow, but in 2005 he was plagued by injury, and an ongoing dispute as to whether he, or the veteran Dave Dickenson should be the starting signal-caller for the team.

Casey has declined to extend his contract with the Lions, and is reported to be considering offers from another CFL club, the Hamilton Tiger-Cats: the Kansas City Chiefs are also rumoured to be showing interest in the 25 year old
Xxx

Scanning The Scrimmages
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

This reporter should eat his own copy: in a previous article, I opined that, when it came to mobility, quarterback John Stirling was about as shifty as a stalagmite.

John has since proven me wrong in the practice set-ups, rushing for more useful yardage than any of the 3 QBs presently in camp, including a run of 20 yards off of a quarterback draw.

Stirling, in fact, has performed the best of the three, so far, which is unfortunate, since he will play the least, under the Club’s policy of giving priority to Created Players.

However, Coach Rongar could use John in less conventional plays like reverse sweeps; pitch-outs; options; West Coasts, and the like.

Again, unfortunately, the Coach – a meat-and- potatoes strategist, if ever I met one - has little use for these “new-fangled smoke and mirror plays” as he calls them, so it seems that a very good quarterback will spend most pf his time on the sidelines.
-30-

[President]

I'm jumping on the Jet Steel bandwagon, he improved his 40 to a 4.2!

[Rongar]

I'm jumping on the Jet Steel bandwagon, he improved his 40 to a 4.2!

Sorry, Pres...that one got by me...

[Rongar]

Posters "THE THREAD" Newspaper

September
10th, 2007.

Football Gossip

By Al Terego.
xxxxxxxxxxxx

Clubhouse Audibles
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I hear that:-

GM Rongar has happily acceded to the request of his boss, Herr Phoenix, for those two philandering football-players, Crabbe and Ferdon to begone from the Club’s payroll.

They were traded to the Philadelphia Eagles, yesterday, for a hulking (6’ 3” -307 lbs) Defensive Tackle, Brod Bunkley, who will stand in for the ailing Joe Greene.

Brod, (22) is a much better prospect than were the two departing RBs, who were never ever going anywhere with the Trolls, given the quality of our offence’s current starters, Mark McGinnity and Clete Handsome.

The Coach confided to me that when Mean Joe returns, a by then surplus –to-requirements Bunkley, could be shopped around in return for Rongar’s cherished “mobile” quarterback, if one hasn’t been recruited from the Membership by then.

Rongar is rubbing gleeful hands over the whole sordid episode involving the departed Trolls with the Boss’s fiancee…it brought him a massive nose-guard in return for two never-will-be players.

The wily old Limey has his eye on future such advantageous transactions…he figures that if he can get the team’s owner mad at some other losers on his roster, they, too, will get traded for beef more prime

Deaundara Walker – a 53-55 rated OT on the roster – watch out! The Coach plans to introduce you to Herr Phoenix’s Intended…


Our Town
xxxxxxxxxxxx

This town of Posters, in some ways, is rather unique…I mean, in what other North American city do police officers patrol the streets mounted on dromedaries?

I suspect that these are really ordinary-or-garden camels – gardens being the animal’s natural habitat in Our Town, Posters boasting but little sand – the Law likes to call them something fancy because, well, policemen can be rather officious.

Perhaps this particular dromedary is neither fish, flesh, nor fowl – since it has three humps: so swears Jimmy Gluzmanov, our punt returner, who was the first one to see a cop on a camel -er -dromedary.

Jimmy is naturally observant, being that he can spot a hostile looming lineman at ten paces, when running with the ball ( in such a circumstance, to avoid further unpleasantness, our Jim usually lobs the thing to his aggressor)

So Jim was going about his unlawful business one day – in his spare time he peddles pictures of Eli, purporting them to be those of Preston – which means that he has a nose for the presence of the Law, which means that he readily noticed that this cop was writing –up, whilst seated on a dromedary.

Jim’s first alarming thought was that the officer was writing him up, since no other miscreant seemed to be around – unless one counts a dromedary dropping dung on Posters' Main Street.

But as he drew closer, Jim’s sharp eye was able to discern that the constable was merely writing to a girl-friend explaining why they couldn’t keep their date – Jim distinctly saw the words “…my wife won’t let me..” being scrawled, when the officer inadvertently dropped his pencil to the pavement.

Jim, ever keen to co-operate with the Law, given his own dubious doings, hastened to retrieve it for the Man, whose avoirdupois, jammed between two of the humps, hindered the policeman's own ease of disembarkation from the beast.

The officer was duly grateful for this small service, the two men chatted, and Jim being the friendly sort –especially to the Law and hostile looming linemen – one thing led to another, and it was eventually arranged that the cop and the dromedary would moonlight at the Trolls stadium – the Forum - the fat one being the Stadium security force, the humped one, a sort of mascot, that would do a celebratory lap of the field whenever a Troll made a good play.

Since the gait of dromedaries is noted more for majesty than for miles- per- hour, that gave everyone a chance to get their breath back.

This beautiful arrangement came to an abrupt end when it was discovered that cop and camel were gradually carting away the Club’s stock of Jack Daniels! (All Troll players require a pint of J.D. before and after each game, in order to take the field at all). That 3rd hump, after all, was a fake! Well, now, if one can’t trust a policeman, who can one?

Needless to say, Coach Rongar – the biggest consumer of J.D. in the entire Club – was hopping mad at Jimmy Gluzmanov.…he was last seen, introducing the lad to Herr Phoenix’s Intended….
-30-

[Rongar]

Posters "THE THREAD Newspaper

September
12th, 2007.

Football Gossip

By Al Terego.
xxxxxxxxxxxx

I came across GM Rongar flying some paper aeroplanes, today- I had heard that, along with the making of paper hats, that the (simple) construction of these was one of his hobbies – as, indeed, it was mine, when I was aged about seven…I can only suppose that the Ancient Brit (A.B.) is entering his second childhood, now.

I watched for a while as each paper plane was launched straight from the A.B.'s hand to dismally flop, nose-first, into the ground at his feet.

I reflected, smugly that, at seven years old, I could make planes that flew better than that…accidents will happen, and just as I reached the old man’s side, one of his craft made a special effort, and landed at my feet – which were just goal & inches away from the Coach’s own size 13s

I picked up the mediocre model, idly, meaning to take his aerial abomination apart, and show him how the 4th –graders did it, but as the paper unfolded, I noticed that it was covered with scribbled-in Football plays. I recognized the writing - since I couldn’t decipher it -as being in the Coach’s own scrawl …the man was shredding his own playbook!

The A.B. noticed my interest and nodded at the pages parodying paper planes, now littering the Red Zone- the players, by the way, were at the other end of the zone, pretending to huddle, but, of course, they were all probably swigging Jack Daniels – “Yes, Al…” quoth the Coach “…That was gonna be the draft of the playbook we’ ll use during the next pre-season game on Thursday”

I surveyed the paper litter now covering the Zone more completely than ever our DBs did…it was if a telephone directory had been dismantled – Yellow Pages and all.

“Must have taken you days to compile that lot” I observed.

“That it did, lad…” his tone was rueful “...Based on all the scrimmages we held, plus the first pre-season that we played…I entered all the plays that worked for us - offence and defence-, the idea bein’ to cover, roughly, every five yards or so of the entire playing field”

“I see…” being an eccentric Englishman, myself, I caught the drift of his convoluted thinking “...So that come any situation in the game, at any time, in any area of the field, you’ll have a play, to hand, that works for you ?”

“You got it, lad…course, these plays o' mine may not work on game day, itself, but at least it’s something to send in to the troops out there…makes me look more managerial than all this head-scratchin’ an’ countin’ on fingers that I’ve been doing, trying to figure what comes next”

“Yes, Coach…” I agreed “ …and it will save you all that pondering time on the nomenclature…I hear that the designated hit-upons of your team were getting fed-up with lying around, on the field after every play, pretending to be injured to give you time to wonder what on earth was a “Trips 29 Sweep” or a “ Balanced Cover 3”

“ I can’t blame ‘em…” he agreed, gloomily “...Took me forever to work through just one quarter…didn’t help the attendance any, either…. bums were leavin’ seats in droves, durin; the drawn-out doin’s…doubt if folks’ll place ‘em back in those seats for Thursday’s game, either”

“Have faith, Coach!...” I chided “We won, didn’t we? – no matter how ugly, our fans want a winner! – they’ll be back”

“Yeah, and for all I know, the AI coaches got that win for us, I was doing okay whilst I was callin’ the shots, but they happened to be in charge when the final result resulted”

“So, is this why you scrapped your playbook, Coach?...because you expect your coaches to take over control, anyway, and insert their own plays?”

He nodded, thoughtfully “I guess that they got as impatient as everyone else, at how slow the game was goin’ and thought to gee things up, by callin’ plays that they know by heart…plays that it’ll take me yonks to memorize!”

“With respect, Coach, given your age, I wouldn’t expect you to be able to memorize anything... but you don’t have to, you know…” I indicated the litter all around us “You’ve got it all at your fingertips..all you have to do is read each play by rote…you don’t have to know what it means, or what you are doing…just look managerial, and send out those plays!...and that'll really speed up the game!”

Rongar brightened “You’re right, Al …what I should do is gather up all these pages, and dump ‘em on our new typist – you seen her, Al? …she’s a Bramah!...am I gonna sexually harass her!...an’ when it all makes sense, come game time, I’ll just read out the appropriate plays an’ look managerial as you say, lad”

I wish he wouldn’t call me “lad”... after all, I’m about as old as he is..however, I merely remarked “And, of course, you can wear a headset…that’ll cut out all that knowledgeable advice from your coaches”

“True, lad…” Rongar chortled happily, as he began to gather up his forlorn paper squadrons from the Red Zone “..and I can listen to the Sex Pistols on my Walkman “

“Here, let me help you with this paper…” I offered, not so much out of charity but a desire to meet this hot new typist“...And when Ms Whatsername has done with it all, I’ll show you how to make papier mache’ football helmets out of it”

Another sign of my mis-spent boyhood.

-30-

[Rongar]

Posters "THE THREAD" Newspaper

September
13th, 2007.

Football Gossip
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

By Al Terego.
xxxxxxxxxxxx

Today being the eve of the second pre-season game, I approached the GM of the Trolls, R.G.Rongar, to ask what his game plan was.

“Plan…” he asked, astonished, he being elbow deep in a mess of water, and discarded playbook pages, at the time “…I have to have a plan?”

“You know…strategy…who you’re going to start?…what are they going to do?…when are they going to do it?…stuff like that”

The Coach relaxed. “Oh, that’s easy…” he said “I’m committed to playing the Created Players, anyway…once they’re penciled in, I just add the highest rated players in the remaining positions”

“And the plays, themselves…?” I demanded “ Remember, Coach…you were going to call them by rote, right?

“And so I shall…” was his rejoinder “…All nicely typed out by Ms Whatserface…lovely woman, that… darn shame I can’t get anywhere, with her…won’t even tell me her name…and I’m her employer, yet!”

With a sigh, the A.B. went on kneading the unrecognizable Papier- mache’ object between his hands

I took pity on him

“ I have it, upon reliable authority, that she is Ms Cherie’ Blossom…” as a crack newshound, I do have my resources, Gentle Reader “… but, Coach, you’ve got to chop and change, a bit, during a game…you can’t leave your entire defensive line out there for 45 minutes, nor expect Ace McGinnity to rush for 40-odd yards on successive plays!”

“But apparently it can be done in the cyberworld, lad…” quoth the Coach, with a wink “ ..Never you mind though, Al, while I’m in charge, I’ll shuttle players in an’ out so fast, nobody’ll know which End is up, least of all, me…anyway, I’m now reconciled to lettin’ the AI coaches take control at some point in the game”

“You are?”

“Yeah…I actually called the plays for an entire 15 minutes at scrimmage, today…” the old boy yawned “…I found it quite fatiguin’ ”

“That ‘s due to all the extra-curricular activity that you engage in…” I scolded “ …such as trying to make papier –mache’ whatever-that-is! “

“Why, it’s a football helmet, Al…” Rongar was indignant “…Like you showed me how to do”

“It is?...you could have fooled me…looks more like a top hat”

“Yeah…?” the Coach studied his handiwork, thoughtfully “So , maybe I’ll plaster it with black varnish, an’ wear it the next time I go to ogle Ms Bosom*… my bein’ elegant an’ all, might make some points with her…”

Note: * I suspect a Freudian slip by a dirty old man.


Clubhouse Audibles
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I hear that:-

The trade for Brod Bunkley has fallen through.

In the first place, GM Rongar signed the wrong sort of papers that would have brought the gigantic defensive lineman here, in exchange for the two players (RBs Scuttler Crabbe, and Galen Ferdon), at that time, in Trolls owner Asche Phoenix’s doghouse

(It seems that the GM couldn’t find his spectacles, which, as usual, and of course, were perched high upon his forehead, all the time)

Whilst that fiasco was being sorted, Herr Asche learned that his fiancée, inflatable doll, Puffin Mi , of Asian extraction, had discovered his similar German model, Fraulein Whoosch, underneath Herr Phoenix’s bed.

Furious at their lover's perfidy, the two Rubbermaids proceeded to form a lesbian relationship, and sailed?/floated?/blew?/ away, together.

The heartbroken Herr Phoenix no longer has any interest in persecuting the fresh footballers frolicking with fickle fiancées, so Rongar is still stuck with deadbeats Crabbe and Ferdon.

When approached for a comment, the GM snorted “Women! …you can’t live without ‘em…an’ you can’t live with unreasonable facsimiles thereof ! “
-30-

[Rongar]

Posters "THE THREAD" Newspaper

September
15th, 2007.

Review of yesterday's pre-season game
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

By Al Terego

Posters Trolls 30 - Indianapolis Colts 10
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Once again, the running game of the Trolls, along with an ever-stiffening defense, proved to be more than decisive in the outcome of this match…85% of the home team’s offensive yardage came from the rushing of the two Marks, Mahon and McGinnity.

The “Ace” contented himself with a mere 59 yards during the first stanza, then concentrated on killer defense – his brother, Jim, also being prominent therein - after the intermission, leaving the field, literally, to the rushing glory of the estimable, and inexhaustible Mr Mahon, who, beside scoring two touchdowns, also returned useful kickoff yardage.

Our offensive line is to be congratulated for having far more to do with our running success, than in the 1st game, this time, opening numerous holes for something like twice the number of rushes by the RBs, as they had against the San Diego.

However, that OL proved to be porous allowing 4 sacks, and considerable harrying of young quarterback, Jet Steel.

Making allowances for the deficiencies of his protection, and noting that, in fact, Steel did complete more than half of his passes, I am even less impressed with Steel than I was with Trolls’ pivot, LeQut, in the first game…O, that the AI coaches would insert John Stirling behind the Centre Lineman, or that we get ourselves a mobile QB…or something!

I cannot say enough good about the Trolls’ Defence…true, they allowed Peyton to play like Manning, completing two thirds of his passes, but, ultimately, this illustrious quarterback was stymied by a D which bent a bit on the field, but broke but once in the Red Zone – ironically by an 18 yard Manning run!

Plus, it was most satisfying that our defense spent less than half the game-time on the field than their opponents, and gratifying that the tackling was far more evenly distributed, than of yore…this time the guys didn’t leave it all to LaCharon… although he still garnered the lion’s share…as before, the Trolls’ D proved to be even less yielding as the game wore on

I suppose that some credit for the conservation of the defensive energy, can be laid at the doorstep of Coach Rongar’s play-calling during the first half, during which Colts’ time of possession was limited to about 13 minutes, but much was due to the visitor’s mistakes, especially in taking penalties ( 6 for 49 yards)…it is notable, that the Trolls’ dominance over one of the strongest teams in the league was even more pronounced, when the AI coaches took over the play-calling, in the second half.

GM Rongar, watch your back!

-30-